Dear Lan Danders,
My name is Swoozie Skirts and I'm one of dose alkie-halliks, whelp, that's what everybody tells me but I dunt bleave 'em. I haven't ad a dink for a hole weep now, I, um, promise.
I hid my last two bottlers of Dack Janiels on Chris's Missus night and I dont know where I hid dem. I bin looking but no fuck,er, I mean, luck. I dink I need a think, a drink real bad dough. I wanna wait for the New Year but I don't dink I can. I'm real dirsty. What should I do?
Sincerely, Swoozie Stix
Dearest Swoozie,
I don't think you have a drinking problem so don't you worry about what anybody else is saying. You are such an eloquent writer though and I would like to hire you to fill in for my drunk secretary. I'm going to send her to Milwaukee for a month to dry out. And maybe Kentucky after that.
And, after you find your bottles of Jack, save them for the trip to my office. After you have a few good drinks you can show me your secretarial skills. I think you will do really well, especially with the free hand.
Sincerely,
Dan (The Man) Landers
Seriously, alcoholism is a serious problem and has caused much pain and suffering for tens of thousands of families...
If you feel you have an alcohol-problem or maybe members of your family, friends or associates have shown concern towards a possible problem, please, by all means, reach out!
Believe me, life can be so much better... Live a more content and healthy life, you deserve it!
